Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
PANTIES FOUND
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