my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Soap is not a condiment
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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