I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
