Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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