did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
