you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
