If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize