You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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