I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
