just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
