69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
