"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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