he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
