so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize