I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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