my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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