??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
