i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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