I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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