Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
