Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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