Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
