i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
