I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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