after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
