he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
