My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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