I will die if light touches me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
false alarm, still single
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
