I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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