i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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