apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
