wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
