I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
