Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
