I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
