I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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