If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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