Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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