walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The uberlube is also flammable
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
