I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
