Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
