Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
