Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
