that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
