You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
