PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
