This girl is more easily done than said...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
