There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize