I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
