No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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