Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
