i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
