i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
