So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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