just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
