you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
