dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
