You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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