i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
